Saiyuki Characters POV
by Fuuei
Summary: Chapter 8 IS FINALLY HERE! It's about Dokugakuji's POV! It's about how he feels towards the death of his mother and what he thinks about his master, AND HIS BELOVED BROTHER, SHA GOJYO! R&R!
1. Eternal Sun

Eternal Sun  
  
Dark. I never knew that darkness could be so powerful. I felt so scared whenever either darkness or coldness embraced me. Every night, I had to cuddle into a ball in order to keep myself warm. If only I could reach it.  
  
Light. So soothing, so warm. I really loved it whenever the sun shines its rays on me generously. I love the sun. I felt so happy and excited whenever its rays touched me, but whom could I share this happiness with? No friends, no family, nobody was with me. I was alone. If only I could reach it. if only I could reach the sun.  
  
What had I done wrong? Why should I be locked in this cave? I had been locked here for so long that I had no idea for how long I had stayed here. alone. Is it that I am destined to be locked here for my entire life? I had been here for so long without anything, why am I still alive? Can't I die? Am I really destined to live just to suffer all this, alone?  
  
The sun. I wish I could touch it with my own hands. Do I have freedom? Being locked here all alone. I am suffering from loneliness. aren't I? If this is a deep underground, I would not wish for the sun. If this is a deep underground, I would not want to know how freedom and loneliness felt.  
  
Another day passed and another one came. Then it will just be gone and replaced by another one. I am so lonely and feeling so sad. It hurts me more because I could not cry out loud but only cry alone in my own broken pieces of heart. Wait, I saw a figure coming near me. What is it?  
  
Colour of the sun. it has the colour of the sun. It came to me, to my shoulder and chirped happily beside my ear. I stretched out my arms slowly so as not to scare the little creature. I held it in my hands and felt so happy as it did not leave me alone and fly away with its other companions. From that day onwards, I had a friend, at last.  
  
It was so cute, with feathers of the sun. It could fly under the sun that I had always wanted to touch. I really envied it, but I did not feel jealous of it. Why? Is this called friendship? Did I deserve to have a friend? I didn't have an answer, but I just hoped that it could always stay with me.  
  
However, dreams could never last long. Dreams are more fragile than glass, but then why are we destined to dream? Dusk always brings misfortune. The sunset that day was even redder than the other days', because the sky had been painted by my small friend's soul and blood. It was there. lying unmoved, right in front of my cage.  
  
Almost. I almost reached it, but my hands were still an inch before its dying body. If only I just touch it just one more time, one last time. but I could not reach it. I could not do anything but cry and shout on top of my lungs. I felt so sad and hurt, why should it die? Did it do anything wrong? Or is it that it was just destined to die, just like me, who is destined to be locked here for my entire life? I was alone again.  
  
"Hey, is it you who kept on calling my name?" I held up my head to see who the speaker was. It was a young man with amethyst eyes and flaxen hair, just like the sun. The look on his face told me that he was in a foul mood. His mauve eyes contained a cold look, but I did not care about it. I kept staring at him, he looked just like the sun that I had always wanted and envied.  
  
He held out his hands, and took me out of the cage, the cage filled with darkness and coldness. He freed and saved me. He gave me a world much brighter than the shining sun. Whenever he is not by my side, I feel forlorn and darkness surrounds me. Though sometimes he acts like he does not care about me, he will always be my sun, my eternal sun. 


	2. Rain

Title: Saiyuki Characters' POV  
  
Author: Fuuei-chan  
  
A/N: Gensomaden Saiyuki does not belong to me!! But I wish it does. * sob * Thank  
you for those who had read and reviewed my first chapter. This chapter is  
going to be about Sanzo and I tell you, it is VERY HARD to write Sanzo's POV  
'cause his mind is really really complex!!! Some of the ideas and lines came from  
other authors' fanfic but please don't flame me!!! Also don't flame me if my  
grammar is bad and if this chapter is worse than the 1st one. And don't  
misunderstand the last few paragraphs!!! Sanzo and Goku have no relationship of  
shounen-ai or yaoi!!! Anyway just R&R please!!! (Phew, exams are coming so  
gotta study VERY VERY HARD!) and by the way, I don't know if that Vanity of  
Vanities is correct or not 'cause I forgot about it.  
  
~*~*~*~*~* Rain  
  
Rain, another rain. I heaved out a big sigh, which sounded more like a scowl. The rain is so annoying. Flashes of memories filled my mind whenever the sky started to cry in tears of rain. A lot of people find the sound of falling rain soothing. The little pitter-patter of rain on the roof is comforting to them. It relaxes them, so they look forward to the occasional rain.  
  
There are also some who thinks the rain is the tear of heaven. The rain to them means sorrow and loss, memories and wounds unhealed. Tears from the sky, blood on the ground, sorrow in people's hearts. just like me.  
  
Choices. What choices did I have instead of sitting in my room and watch the rain scattering on the road? An exact copy of how I was when he died in front of me, blood spilling all over my body from head to toe. I had nothing to do but to solely take over his position and leave the temple in order to prevent any more tragedies to happen, just like his. That was my only choice.  
  
Love is not what I want. Never love anything. Given enough time, they will all be taken away from you. How cruel. I once loved, but what did I get? I only got his death. Moreover, his death was caused by my incapability. From that day onwards, I started not to love. If you do not love anyone, be prepared not to be loved at all. That was fine with me. I do not need friends; I can be alone, just on my own.  
  
Not even diminutive warmth struck my heart from then. My heart subsequently became as hard as rock. I was always gloomy and in a foul mood. What is the use of having emotions when you know you will lose them someday? All you will get is pain. Love, warmth, emotions, they did not contain any meanings for me at all. They are just not for my scornful heart.  
  
Empty. Though I may be a human, but to me, I am just a ball of meat in the shape of a human. I am filled with emptiness until the end of time. What keep me going are my will to survive and myself. Neither man nor dream motivates me. I live just for myself, just in the way that I am. I will do anything just in order to live.  
  
"Stay strong." I might be strong just to keep myself going, but actually, I am not strong at all. Life without him is so empty and I feel like that I am living in woe. Now that I am walking my life single- handedly, I had nothing to go for. I am just living, living for nothing and have nothing. The only thing that I have is what he thought me, the Vanity of Vanities: "Kill the Buddha as you see him. Kill the Father as you see him. Never be captivated by anyone and live in the life that you are."  
  
Someone was calling me. I did not know whom, but somehow I heard someone calling me. After day and night, I could hear his voice. Whose voice is it? It looked like he was pleading for something from me. He was so aggravating; did he never learn how to give up? I was so pissed off that I wanted to give him a punch or two.  
  
I followed the voice and reached outside a cave. There he was, the owner of that voice. I asked if it was him who called me from time to time, but he just fixed his golden orbs onto my lavender eyes. Actually I was very angry and decided to give him a punch, but that innocent and stupid look on his face stopped my action. I did not know why, but I freed him from that dungeon.  
  
He acknowledged me as his sun, though I did not think so. He considered that I gave him a world much brighter than the sun, however it was him who shone my menacing world. I used to be alone and did not care for anyone, but he was the only one whom I could not elude and I did not know what the reason was.  
  
Exactly what is the problem with me? After having him at my side, I sensed that I had changed. My heart started to melt day by day, and even though I hate to admit it, I feel worried whenever he is not by my side because I do not want to lose another person who is important to me. I positively do not want my heart be broken into pieces anymore.  
  
Just because I am not strong, I need him by my side. He gives me certainty consistently when he is by my side. He became my pole for living and I cannot lose him, as I could not afford the lost of his disappearance and my heart breaking just like throwing a glass onto a rock for the second time. Gazing outside the window, to the rain, I hid an infinitesimal smile on my face as his image came into my multifarious mind.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Sanzo: Oi! What kind of stupid fanfic is this!? I've never thought about those kind of  
things! He's just a saru!!! My geboku only!! * blushed a little, so little that it's  
microscopic *  
  
Fuuei: Ne.ne. Sanzo don't be so shy. hehe.  
  
Goku: Oh. So Sanzo DOES care about me after all!  
  
Sanzo: .... SHINEEEEE ALL OF YOU!!!!!!  
  
Fuuei: * dodges the bullets * OI!!! SANZO BAKA! DON'T GO MAD AND SHOOT  
JUST COZ OF THESE THINGS!!! MINNA TASUKETE!!!  
  
Goku: * dodges the bullets * SANZO!!! Don't. shoot. me!!! I'M INNOCENT!!! *  
  
Sob. sob. * T_T  
  
Hakkai: Maa. maa. calm down Sanzo.  
  
Sanzo: URUSEI ALL OF YOU AND SHINEE!!!!!!  
  
Fuuei: Anyway just review!!! * dodges the bullets and ran away from Sanzo fans for  
calling him baka * 


	3. Blood

A/N: Here comes! Chappie 3!!! I can't believe I finished this chapter even though tomorrow's my first day of mid-year exam!!! Anyway, this time it's about Hakkai. Wow... I guess my stories are becoming worse and worse! Anyway please R&R! Onegai shimasu!!!  
  
Fuuei: AHAHAHAH! Gensomaden Saiyuki is MINE! SO DOES SANZO AND GOKU~~~!!!  
  
Goku: o_o??? Ne... Hakkai? Is it true I'm Fuuei-chan's?  
  
Sanzo: * twack * Baka!! How could we be this baka, no-good, dumb saru's possessions?  
  
Hakkai: Maa... please calm down Sanzo....  
  
Goku: Sanzo... you're so bad... after twacking me and now you say I'm a baka, no-good and dumb saru? Waahhh!!!!!!!!  
  
Fuuei, Sanzo and Hakkai: * faints *  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Blood  
  
Walking alone in the forest shambling, fatigued, but still forcing myself to endure by hook or by crook... This is just analogous with my condition in my life now. Finally, I could not hold on to any further extent and fell down on to the ground. I felt myself losing consciousness and gave up to the long sleep.  
  
She came again... her image came into my sight once more. Then more and more images appeared into my mind. It seemed like there was a flashback of our life... of her and me. We were so buoyant together and were living so peacefully. She acted a dead ringer for my sister as well as my wife to me. She was my everything. Until one day...  
  
The door was ajar; I wondered what could have happened, as she would never do that. At that juncture, I saw something inside and went in. I gaped at the scene in front of me and was flabbergasted. My mind was completely blank. The house did not looked like what we had always called it as, and everything was in disarray as if a hurricane had just come.  
  
It was a few days after her disappearance when I heard that she had been captured. I rushed to the demons' mansion in order to save her. I did something that I had never done before and caused a sin, which could never be forgiven no matter how many times I had confessed.  
  
One and every demon there was killed... by me. None of them had survived. I did not know what gave me the potency but my will and somewhat of intuition pushed me. I would do anything just to save her, my most precious treasure of all. I would mount a hill full of knives and jump into a lake of boiled oil just to save her. I could even pay hell a visit if she wanted me to.  
  
Ultimately, I saw her... but her face was a mixture of despair and melancholy. Exactly what happened to her? She was put behind bars... but that did not matter, as I was there to release her and come back to me once again. My steps were closer and closer to her, I was so happy to see her face that I forgot about my injuries, bruises and the blood that was spilled all over my body.  
  
Why? Why is your face filled with so much misery and pain? The expression on your face is also throbbing my heart with hundreds and thousands of knives. At last, she noticed my presence. I told her not to worry as I was there to save her... but what she did was what I had never thought of...  
  
Suicide... why are you so stupid to even think about suicide? How can I live without your love? Why? The truth was then spurted out from her mouth. "I'm sorry, but I have got that demon's blood within me already. Please forgive me..." The knife she was holding was then flung across her throat, and then she fell down, unmoved.  
  
"What a stupid woman..." A voice rang beside me. I turned around, another demon, perhaps the last one... I could not forgive whomever that insults my most precious treasure even when she's not here. My mind was then filled with gloom and hatred. A voice in my mind urged me to kill him, and I lost control. When I opened my eyes, there on the ground lying was the demon, dead.  
  
Pain stroke me and I finally regained my consciousness. Is this heaven? Or is it hell? No, something is wrong... There is a ceiling? I shove my head to the right, and then to the left, I was in a... room? How could this be? Curiosity delimited me and as I was thinking, suddenly... a man's head was above mine! His red hair hung loosely, touching my face. Wait... red hair... and scarlet eyes?  
  
Crimson... crimson hair and eyes, a taboo child I guess? Am I lucky or not? Am I considered lucky to be saved by him? Or did I just knock bad luck to be saved by a man with hair and eyes of the colour of blood? I could not stand it any longer, the crimson colour made me thought of her... dying in front of me, again. I thought I should go with her, but wait... I must bury her body... Yes, I must live until that day comes, and then I will accompany you... Just wait patiently...  
  
After a few days, I realized that my injuries were getting healed, but I could not wait until they recover! I must get going, what for be healed completely when you are going to die just a minute after that? He treated me just fine, but I really need to go... I told him that I should leave and I even told him that his hair and eyes made me thought of blood. His eyes widened at instance when he heard what I just confessed, I guess he also had a bad memory related to blood? Blood... I thought of her innocent smile as the painful memory bounded me.... once again...  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Fuuei: So... what do you think about this chappie? Pretty bad huh?  
  
Goku: * tugged Fuuei's sleeve * Uhh... Fuuei-chan? Hakkai....  
  
Fuuei: Huh? What about Hakkai?  
  
Hakkai: * tears forming * I'm strong, Kannan, I'm strong....  
  
Fuuei: Ne... Hakkai.... Gomenasai, I didn't make this chapter to make you so sad....  
  
After a few minutes....  
  
Fuuei and Hakkai: * in an advertising tone * Please review ne...! Hope you like it!!!  
  
Goku: * Crying because of Hakkai's influence * Eeeh? Hakkai was just pretending??? Demo... * hold back tears * I'm strong, I'm strong...  
  
Fuuei: Oh no... I guess he was infected by a copy-cat virus?????  
  
OK! Enough! Enough! Enough! Time for seriousness! Okay... I'm planning to write an Angst fic... so please tell me...  
  
Q1 Will Sanzo cry if Gojyo died?  
  
Q2 Will Sanzo cry if Hakkai died?  
  
Q3 What will happen to Goku if the other 3 died?  
  
Please answer me in the review or by emailing me! Jaa ne! 


	4. Scarlet

Fuuei: Finally!!! Gojyo's POV!!! I've done it!!! YES!!! Sorry for the long delay though.  
  
Gojyo: Ch! You finished Goku, Sanzo and Hakkai's so fast and mine you took so long!  
  
Fuuei: But I still done it already... Oh my God!!! I can't believe someone even said  
that my fic's A/N part is very funny 'cause I don't really have a very  
good sense of humour. So Sankyuu! But please don't be disappointed if  
the other chappies will not be funny! And Lo Xiang, it's Ganbatte, not  
Kampate... ^_^;; ne, Sanzo?  
  
Sanzo: @_@ Ororo? Yup, Sun Yat-sen died in 1925.  
  
Fuuei: Sanzo!!! History exam is over!!! * sweatdrop *  
  
Sanzo: Huuh? @_@ oh. ok... Prairie is a temperate grassland... and Savanna is a tropical grassland...  
  
Fuuei: SANZO!!! Snap out of it!!! Geography exam is also over!!!  
  
Sanzo: Huh??? Oh... HUH!!! WHAT!!!??? Oh... no... next is Art next is Art, oh no I don't know what to draw!!!  
  
Hakkai: Err... Sanzo... I think you have too much stress... well, you can relax now, it's already holiday....  
  
Sanzo: Ohhh... Kono baka onna! You should study by yourself instead of depending on other people!!! Oh, and what were you asking?  
  
Fuuei: * sweatdropped like crazy * I ask you about the Ganbatte thing...  
  
Sanzo: Ok... For once, I have to agree with Fuuei... Baka Lo Xiang!!  
  
Fuuei: Sanzo!!! Don't say that! If not, she'll hit me when school starts!!! I think we talked to much... let's go onto chappie 4 : Scarlet!!!!  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Scarlet  
  
Ace and King, blackjack. Subsequently, a herd of ladies surrounded and admire my manifestation and luck. Another boring day. After that I will just gamble till I earn enough money for those losers to flee from poverty. "Oh, where did you dye your hair into such a beautiful colour of scarlet?" A sexy lady blurted it out of the blue.  
  
Beautiful? Pretty? How can you call this kind of hair colour "appealing"? Scarlet, crimson, red, cerise, burgundy or whatever colour you call it, is only a colour that resembles blood. At that moment, I did not mind to stay any longer. I have always hated people discussing about my hair, or even my eyes.  
  
As I was heading for my "home", which looked more like a dog's nest, I heaved out a big sigh. Painful memories have come and hunt me again. My scarlet hair and crimson eyes bring hatred, and hatred resulted in blood... as well as death. Blood and death, they all came from these hair and eyes. How I wish I could pluck my hair until it cannot grow anymore. How I wish I could dig out my ominous, ruby eyes. Nevertheless, these thoughts are just futile.  
  
The brunette woke up, finally. He had been sleeping for a long time, which looked like hibernation after I saved him from his major injuries that day, in the forest. He stared at me with widened eyes that had a mixture of curiosity and pain. I don't know why but his emerald eyes shone that mixture whenever he looked at me. After a few days of healing, he protested to leave.  
  
However, fate always likes to play with my feelings and the ghost of the past never leaves me alone. When he was about to leave, he confessed that my hair and eyes looked like blood to him. My eyes widened with disbelief and pain. He was the only one who had the same thought as mine. Pain struck me, but it was not because of any injuries or bruises, the pain just stroke me right in my heart.  
  
Red flowers... so beautiful. If I pluck some of them for her, she would be really delighted. I could not wait for another moment, I went back to home as fast as lightning. I handed the flowers to her and praised how beautiful those flowers were. Her face showed kindness and pleasure, when she suddenly pushed the flowers away. "How beautiful, with the colour... of blood!" That was what she said before she started to abuse and landed more pain onto me.  
  
No matter how much she hated me, or how much pain she gave me, I never hate her before. I still assume her as my beloved mother. I still wanted to please her, I wanted her to be contented, but whenever she saw me, my body will never be away from bruises. Until that day, she never landed another punch or kick on me again.  
  
It was same as usual; I tried to please her but ended up to be beaten. However, she could not wait to get rid of me anymore. She scratched my face that resulted in two ugly scars, which could never be gone. She was going to kill me with tears flowing on her face like an endless stream. I closed my eyes tightly and thought that maybe if I died, her tears would cease. I waited for death, but pain never strikes me. When I opened my eyes, it was not the same as I thought. What I saw... was more tears.  
  
Her body was lying on the floor, adamant, and in front of me was my stepbrother with tears on his face. When I finally found out what happened, he ran away and left me alone, dumbfounded and petrified. After looking into my own past, I snapped back into reality. My garnet eyes met his emerald diamonds. His eyes showed ultimate pain and sorrow, just like how I was in the past. These scarlet eyes and hair.... have you not forgiven them yet? Mother... has you not forgiven me yet?  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Fuuei: Okay... that's all for Sanzo-ikkou...  
  
Gojyo: What's this crap all about? I'm not such a weakling ok? Write this ONCE MORE!!!  
  
Fuuei: @_@ * spins around then fainted *  
  
Hakkai: Yare yare... I think she got too much pressure from all those exams and the things she gotta do in her holiday... So please don't flame Fuuei because she has been very busy.  
  
Goku: Uhh... * stood beside Fuuei * Gojyo just tore all the papers which contained the POV of his...  
  
Fuuei: * jerked up * NANI!!! GOJYO!!!!!  
  
Gojyo: XP You'll never catch me!  
  
Fuuei: * panting * Ne... please tell me if I should continue to Kougaiji & Homura-tachi... If you reviewers/ readers think that this fic is very boring and don't want me to continue.... Then I won't. Anyway just R&R!!!  
  
Goku: Fuuei... Gojyo tore all the papers of your fanfic... and Sanzo is chasing him around now...  
  
Fuuei: I know I know!!! You don't need to report to me!!! I have eyes you kno... * looks at the papers which were torn and some even got bullet holes * Gojyo... San-- @___@ * faints *  
  
Hakkai: Fuuei-chan! Anyway please R&R, if not, Fuuei will be really sad. 


	5. Beautiful Sculpture

Fuuei: Okay, you don't need to say, I know it is short. But hey! I can't think of other things to write for Kougaiji anymore!!! Dakara... forgive me!!!!  
  
Kougaiiji: Why mine is so short compared to the others? Not fair!!  
  
Fuuei: Aww... URUSEI!!! * snatches Sanzo's harisen & hit Kougaiji *  
  
Kou: Owww!!!!!  
  
Sanzo: * snatches his harisen back and hit Fuuei * Don't think that if you are the narrator you can use my possessions!!!  
  
Fuuei: Ittai! But I DO own GS!!! Believe me!!!  
  
Sanzo-ikkou plus Kou: Who wanna be yours? Blerghhhhhhh!  
  
Fuuei: Aw... I guess GS is not mine after all... * pouts *  
  
Sanzo: * threw harisen to Fuuei * BAKA!!! Stop sulking and start writing!!! Kono baka onna!  
  
Goku: * suddenly pops out * Fuuei-chan says that she wanna thank all those reviewers who reviewed this fic. Especially to YunCyn, Myst & Ayie-nee- chan!!! You all owez review her fic & support her, so that's why she came this far!!! And also thanks to the readers who didn't review to read it!!!  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Beautiful Sculpture  
  
In front of me, you possibly will assume that is a nice sculpture of someone who is stunning, you may as well eulogize how beguiling the work of the sculptor who carved it, but you are erroneous. In front of me is someone who was once a living creature, whom I concern so much that I would die just for her, someone so dear that I will never be willing to hurt her.  
  
Mother... why are you intended to be bind into this body of no movements, no emotions and no power of speech? I vow, if I have the chance, I will replace you, even if it will cost my life, but I suppose this probability will never be obtainable. When this prospect comes, I presume it will be the end of the world. Nevertheless, fear not, as I will try my best to rescue you, even if I have to sell my soul away, I will save you... Yes, I will save you...  
  
Now, I have to work for my "stepmother", whom I do not hold any respect on and help her to complete her plan which I do not heed at all. Why I am working for that old lady, you ask? Why, I work for her not because I wanted to, it is because of her, my mother. If she did not assure me that she would salvage my mother from being a stone if I help her with her plan, I would never assist her. What could I do? If it were about other things, I would surely reject her, but if it is about my mother, I guess I have to surrender no matter what.  
  
She is calling for me once more... If I am late, she will nag me and threaten me with you, but compared to your pain, that is nothing. I guess I have to visit you another time. I will not be lonely even though I am not with you... As long as these earrings are with me, your soul will also be with me. When these earrings are not with me again, that means you are back to me again. Just wait, I will liberate you for sure. I promise. Mother... I wonder when will that day come?  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Fuuei: Phew!!! That was sooo hard for me!!!  
  
Kou: Haha... haha!!!  
  
Fuuei: Kou... why are you laughing without any sign of delight?  
  
Kou: BAKA!!! HAHA ALSO MEANS MOTHER!!!! KONO BAKA ONNA!!!  
  
Sanzo: I told you that she was a baka.  
  
Kou: Hmm... I guess I have to agree with Sanzo for once...  
  
Fuuei: T_T Waaaaahhhh!!!!!  
  
Hakkai: Ne... don't be sad Fuuei-chan...  
  
Fuuei: Hakkai... * sob sob *  
  
Goku: Ne... Please R&R neh!!!  
  
Fuuei: A-re? Goku, you're so good to help me!!! ^^  
  
Goku: If you all review, then Fuuei will be in good mood and then she will feed me!!!  
  
Fuuei: * jaws fell down * * hits Goku * K'so!!! You did it not because of me! You did it just for yourself!!!! Shi-----ne!!!! 


	6. Happiness

Fuuei: Hi everyone!!! Sorry for the long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long------  
  
Sanzo: Aww will you just SHUT UP!!!!???  
  
Fuuei: Ya ya whatever, sorry everyone who had been waiting (I hope there IS someone who has been waiting). I've been very busy so I didn't have to time to write my fic.  
  
Gojyo: Yeah, like calling us for about a million billion trillion times to hear how she sings...  
  
Goku: And now my ears and head hurt too! And from then, Sanzo won't buy things to let me eat!!!  
  
Gojyo: And Hakkai fell sick, so nobody will stop the pissed off namaguza bouzu and we always get hit!!!!  
  
Fuuei: Hey watch it you guys!!! That's personal!!! Anyways, this chapter is about Lirin. I don't think many writers out there write much about Lirin, so I am trying to add more expression and pain to her, because I don't think she is such a happy little girl, or rather happy little demon.  
  
Lirin: * biting a meat bun * Huh? Anyone called me? Neh... Baldie Sanzo, give me more buns!!!  
  
Fuuei: ........ Should I cancel the part that I just said/wrote?  
  
Gojyo: WHATEVER!!! JUST RUN!!!!! HE'S SHOOTING AGAIN!!!!!  
  
Fuuei: Have fun reading! Aaaahhhhh!!! I have nothing to do with it! Forgive me Sanzo!!!  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Happiness  
  
There he is again. Standing before his mother's statue, inducing each and every reminiscence, which he can retrieve with his mother and not to leave out to vow to her that he will emancipate her someday, for sure. I watched as he stood facing her, speechless and thoughtless, eyes staring perplexedly straight to his mother's. His eyes are so blank that as if his spirit has been sucked out. He must be in a lot of pain... but he's not the only one bearing pain much heavier than the world. What about me? I, too, bear a lot of pain, maybe even much more pain than he has.  
  
He went out, and I went in, or rather sneaked in. I held up my head and saw the face with neither happiness nor pain. She has nothing to fret about, isn't that great? If I can become her, won't it be tranquil? She is his mother, his real mother. She is also my mother too, but she is only my half-mother. My true mother is the one whom my half-brother hates, and not to mention me, too.  
  
Tears came brimming in my eyes and they become as bright as a crystal when the tears reflect the light shone unto them. At the same time, hatred also embraced and hugged me tightly as if I was its own. My heart throbs with pain whenever I see her expressionless face. At least he once had a mother who loved him, though now she is a sculpture without love.  
  
Comparing to me, he is providential. Though I have a mother who has not become a statue or become emotionless, she never loves me, even though she is my actual mother. She only knows how to use me. Because I am so important for her plan, she tries to love me... by pretending. It is not fair! Why do I have to be her child, instead of her daughter, the one in front of me? Despondency and abhorrence can be so cruel, they attack you, penetrate you with their swords, and at last they slice your heart into little, thin pieces.  
  
Despite the appearance of woe and odium, I always seem happy. Or rather, I try to seem to be in high spirits. I cannot let the others know that I am a weakling. No, no I can't. Not even my closest half-brother knows about the agony that I am buoying up. Though I am fortunate to have someone to love me, I still cannot accept it and turn it into happiness. Why is my life so pathetic? Without exhilaration, and without the love that I have always wanted, can I ever achieve them?  
  
If his mother is at liberty, will she love me and not loathe me? Will my half-brother see me as his sister again? Most importantly, will melancholy and revulsion forgive and forget me and let me have happiness for even once? My head fell, as if there is a rock on my head signaling me that my wish cannot be granted. Tell me, when will I have to stop this pretending happiness and accept the actual and sincere happiness?  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Gojyo: Huff... puff... * that huff puff is all from the run-for-his-life- from-Sanzo's-bullets * BAKA ONNA!!! IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT!!!  
  
Fuuei: NANI!??? KONO ERO KAP-----  
  
Hakkai: * almost dying * Please... don't argue... I...  
  
Fuuei: Hakkai! Hold on please!!! Hold on!  
  
Gojyo: Hakkai! Be alright! Promise me!!! I promise to be good if you are better!  
  
Goku: Hakkai! You can't die! You have to cook for me!!!  
  
Sanzo: Oi... Are you serious, Hakkai? * a little bit worried *  
  
Hakkai: URUSEI YOU ALL! I JUST WANNA HAVE A NICE SLEEP AND YOU ALL ARE SO LOUD AND NOISY!!!!!  
  
Fuuei: Wha??? Hakkai scolded us...? Unbelievable!  
  
Others: Oh no, the first time Hakkai scold us... We have to die with him this time, for sure...  
  
Hakkai: @_@  
  
Lirin: Ah! You must be hungry. Here! Meat buns. * stuff two meat buns at once into Hakkai's mouth *  
  
Hakkai: X_X  
  
Fuuei: So what do you think about it? Please remember to review after reading because I wanna know about any mistakes or something that I should change. Once again, I have to say sorry for the long delay. 


	7. Answers

Fuuei: Hello everyone! Sorry for the long delay and thank you very much for the reviews!!! I really appreciate them! Okay, I'm going to let Goku host now!

Goku: Yay! It's finally my turn!

**Konzen**- Sankyu ne! For saying that to Fuuei! She's very flattered!!! Demo, we like your fics too! So Gambatte and we will be waiting for you to update your fics!

**Kenren**** Taishou**- We're always with Fuuei, so of course Fuuei knows us very well! Please write more new fics soon, ne? We are all waiting! And Fuuei says that she wants The Vanity of Vanities, both Japanese and English! And Fuuei wanna ask you to R & R her 2nd chapter of The End!

**Dragon-wing-master**- Well, Fuuei is also very busy too! Busy until she doesn't want to buy me any nikuman. Kechi authoress! pouts

**Dearest Ayie**- Ayie! Sankyu for reviewing! Fuuei and I are very happy! Others: OI! How about us!? Hope you like this one too, ne?

**Lo Hiong, I mean, Lo Xiang**- Hidoi ne……… Lo Xiang-chan! You don't review because Fuuei's going to give you wallpapers!!! Ne, remember to buy me a pork bun too!!

**Nan**- Wai! Nan-chan! Sankyu for supporting Fuuei all this time! growl clutch stomach Mou……… harahetta………

**Azzie**- Azzie-chan! Don't be angry on Fuuei, okay? She's been trying very hard both in her studies and fanfics and I think she has migraine like Sanzo already……… Demo, when she saw youreview, she was so happy! Yokatta na, for both her and me, if she's in a good mood, I will have nikumans!

**Myst**- Fuuei really wanna thank you for reviewing again! Hope you enjoy this chapter too!

**YunCyn**- We all know you support H/Y fics, demo, don't hesitate to read this too! Maybe you'll like this! And could you please put up the fic, Taiyo & Mori again? Fuuei's been sulking all the time because she can't see anymore of that fic and she likes it very much!

Goku: I think that's all ne? Ah, Fuuei DOES NOT own Saiyuki!

Fuuei: Hai! Here, nikuman!

Goku: WAI! WAI! SANKYU!!! munch munch

Sanzo: Ch! Baka saru!

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Answers

Three……… two……… one……… Zero. He came out of the room and headed towards the chamber where his stepmother was. He, the one whom I devoted my whole life to. He, the one whom I will serve forever. He, the one, whom I have always loved but do not dare to tell him. 

             If he did not appear in my life, if he did not meet me, if fate did not bring us together at that time, I would have been dead already. I would have been humiliated and being killed by bastards if he did not save me. He is my lifesaver and no matter how long I serve him, I can never repay him. I can never show enough gratitude towards him.

            Every time I look at him, his face contains a mixture of agony and distress. His face is so solemn, so zealous, so desperate……… probably because of wanting to free his mother earlier……… all because of her. Yes, he is fighting continuously just for her. I really envy her, because he is trying to save her at any cost. It hurts me whenever I see his anguished face, but I guess what hurts more……… is not to be able to say that it hurts. I wonder……… if I was in her place, will he try to save me so desperately?

            I do not know the answer. My mind contains many questions, but none are answered. I do not know too much things, for I am only an ignorant woman. I do not know whether loving him is a choice, which I should choose, or not. I do not know I will be any help to him or not. I do not know if I can help him save his mother or not. I am still trying my best to achieve the answers. So many answers to find……… but……… when will I find them all? 

~*~*~*~*~*~*

Fuuei: Phew! Can't believe I wrote it! I was thinking for such a long time how to write a Yaone POV, demo, I made it after all!

Yaone: Mou……… Fuuei-chan, you shouldn't have inserted Kougaiji-sama here……… blush

Fuuei: Why not? That gives me a lot more to write! And oh, sorry if this chapters short. But I really don't know what to write……… And um, can all of you readers out there give me a girl's name in my new upcoming Romance fic? Okay, I think that's all! Jaa na!


	8. Brothers

Fuuei: Hi! Long time no see! Right, minnasan? And I'm REALLY sorry for such a long 

delay!!! And oh, please don't be mad with the shortness of this chap, ok?

Sanzo: Heh, you ALWAYS say that whenever you update a chapter.

Fuuei: Humph, SO WHAT??? Oh well, this will be Dokugakuji's POV, who's also called 

Sha Jien, Sha Gojyo's half-brother… Replies to reviews are below, so don't 

forget to read the A/N below ne!

Disclaimer: Look, IF I own Saiyuki, that means, I don't own it. If I say I don't own it, that means I OWN IT!!! Hahahahah! Sanzo: BAKA ONNA! DON'T SAY NONSENSE!!! * BANG *  * BANG* Yikes! Fine fine, I mean, I don't own Saiyuki at all… * pouts* 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

**Story Title:** Saiyuki Characters' POV

**Author:** Fuuei

**Chapter Title:** Brother

            I see him coming out of the chamber where his mother was. Poor man, having a mother who loves him, but not able to free him and repay her the love that she has given him. I smiled. He is just like my brother, always trying to please and care for the mother that he has. However, he is also just like my opposite. He has a mother who loved him, and he is trying to save her… But I, in my case, it is totally different. My mother also loved me, because I was her son. Nevertheless, in order to rescue my brother, I repaid her love wrongly… by killing her.

            Just by remembering the tragic past makes my heart throb with pain and despondency. After all these years, I cannot forget the sin that I had done towards my own birth mother. I ran away with tears when I finally found out that I had killed my mother. I just left my brother there, too stunned and dumbfounded to even move. How I wish I could really escape from this cruel reality and away from my own guiltiness. I wonder what has happened to my brother? Did he survive from all those insults and tragedy that happened? 

            Every one of us has memories. Whether good, or bad, they are only memories… of the past. What has gone has gone. No matter how hard we want to, we can never change it. We can never forget what has happened even though it fades with time. Thus, all we can do is just look forward and live in the reality that we had built up. I understand these sentences very clearly, but I still cannot forgive myself for what I have done. The memories are too hard to live with…

            When I barged into this mansion without myself knowing, I thought that everything was gone. I thought that everything had fade away. I thought that life has abandoned me, because even I had also longed to be abandoned and left to death. The feeling was so excruciating that I had lost myself. After a while, I saw a man coming. A man with long, crimson hair. He asked me to be one of his subordinates and I agreed, as I had nowhere else to go. 

            After having a glimpse of my past again, I came back to reality. I smiled again. Having a master with long, scarlet hair just like my brother, does that mean I am lucky? How I wish I can meet back my brother again… then all my doubts would be cleared and at least I can be sure that my mother's death was worth it. But… if worse comes to worse, then I will remember our brotherhood forever, even if it was a short one, and your soul will rest within my master's, so our brotherhood can go on… forever… and ever…

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Fuuei: Okay! Here are the replies! And our host is… CHO HAKKAI!!!

**Kenren Taishou**- Thank you for praising Fuuei! You made her really happy even though she had lost her fanfic and over a hundred songs! Happy that you didn't take those as flames, sometimes Fuuei can be quite rude… ^_^;;;

**Hanae**- Sorry for the shortness of the last chapter, hope you don't mind about the shortness of this chapter too! Fuuei wants to say thanks for all your comments, and of course, your review! 

**Nan / Namassuki**- Fuuei was also thinking of using her name too. But… ano… after a few umm… punishments from Sanzo… she decided not to do it… O-^;;;;  Anyways, thanks…

**Azzie**- Thanks for the review and please forgive Fuuei if she didn't review some of your fics or chapters! She's quite busy recently, so please email her if you REALLY want to receive reviews… She'll always be there for you! And Fuuei wants me to ask you if you know where Ayie is… She kind of… lost her. Fuuei: -.-;;;

**Yaone-chan**- We're all very happy to hear that you like the last chapter even though you don't support K/Y! Thank you for the names too! ^^

**Ceres17**- Hope you did well in your PMR… Your uh… imouto… said thank you and sorry for making the last chapter K/Y…

**Shuichi-kun**- Ano… 2 dimensions in 1? Funny and serious, dumb and dramatic? Really… good talent… it is… ne, Fuuei? Fuuei: _ _||||||

**Black Demon Myst**- Thanks for keep on supporting Sanzo and Lirin, ne! I guess they really make up a good couple… Sanzo: HAKKAI!!!!!

**Lo Xiang**- Fuuei: Let me say this… LO XIANG!!! You can't blame ME for the shortness of that chapter!!! I really don't know what to write, what… BE PATIENT and wait for the ROMANCE FIC!!! Humph, you didn't even tell me which name sounded well! Hakkai: Maa maa… Clam down ne, Fuuei…

**YunCyn**- Thank you for not hitting Fuuei… She has got enough bumps from Sanzo already… Sanzo can be seen in the background hitting Fuuei ^^;;;; Fuuei wants to say that she didn't really mean to write that Yaone is an ignorant woman… She just wanted to write that so that the readers can know that Yaone is actually looking down upon herself or something like that… Please try your best to update Taiyo and Mori back, if not Fuuei will go insane! Fuuei can be seen dancing around in the background like crazy with the song "You Drive Me Crazy" And oh, YunCyn? The hug you gave me after reading the 3rd chapter of The End by Fuuei was quite painful and… suffocating… ^^;;;

Fuuei: I think that's all ne… And minnasan! What do you think about the name Ming 

Yue for my OC in the upcoming Romance fic??? Anyways, I hope you all can 

read and review!!! I'm quite eager to receive any reviews…   


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